Today has been a low day for me... well, actually, this has been a low week. While looking at a bank statement that came in the mail, I noticed that extra money is being taken out of my husband's check and put into a savings account. I also noticed that the account that use to receive these funds is no longer receiving it, but rather, all the money is now going into a new account at a different bank. Funny thing is... there has been no conversation about this change. That's probably the thing that bothers me most. Over the last year or so, many changes have been made to "save us money"; however these changes have not been communicated to me. Well, some have but others have not. The first change he made was to discontinue our household security system - I was not and am still not a fan of this change. It was costing us $30/month. I voiced my lack of support for this change, but it didn't matter. The service was discontinued.
Today, I received a call from our accountant tell me that while my husband was at their office this afternoon, they forgot to send a document with him. I wasn't aware that he was having a meeting with them today. I knew that he stopped by a few days ago and picked up our taxes, but I didn't know about a separate or follow-up meeting. This put the accountant, as well as me, in awkward positions. It looked weird that I didn't know about the meeting and the accountant felt like he stepped into the middle of "something" between my husband and I, which is apparently the case.
All of this has me really wondering a lot of "what if's". I'm feeling like I did about 25 year ago when I was young and wasn't making a lot of money. He seemed to have all the money coming in that he needed and could do pretty much anything he wanted. I felt like I didn't have the money to do what I needed, let alone what I wanted. You would think after 25 years, I would be in a better position financially, to where I felt like I could support myself should the need arise, but I realized today, that I am not in the position. Or if I am, I don't see how. I still feel like I have to ask for money to spend, or get permission if I want to buy something for the house or myself.
Yes, I have a business that is very successful, but my challenge has been to increase the profits of that successful business by reducing expenses and getting the salons to run efficiently. Even then, the taxes on any profits seem to absorb the profits. I don't feel like I have the money in the business to not stress out all month, every single month. That is certainly my goal and my focus.
So, I guess the question to myself is how can I increase the money I have coming in and put it away so I feel like I have money of my own - for my own protection? I'm at an age where I shouldn't have to feel like I'm living with my dad, asking for every penny I am allowed to spend. I feel like I have absolutely no control or say in where our money is, where it comes from, what is done with it, how it is spent, what goes into savings, and what should go to finishing our home and yard.
So many questions, so few... or no answers. Guess it'll be a night spent in prayer. Beside my husband, God is the only one in control of this train.
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