I had a friend ask me recently if an honest conversation was aided by "liquid courage" (it was not), but that phrase really stuck with me as I realized the absolute truth in it. I can reflect on my more courageous moments when I felt like I could/would/should make a tough decision. Those times were definitely boosted by liquid courage. That liquid courage along with the thought of making that decision gave me such a sense of relief and peace of mind....then I slept. Upon awaking, all the "fears" come back to mind about why I should just hold steady where I am and avoid making the tough decision. Time passes and I get frustrated with myself for not doing a damn thing.... What is the saying? "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to change", or something like that. It truly describes my life and I can't believe that I'm not stronger than I am displaying. I hide behind fear and have for so many years. More years than not actually, so that just makes it even more maddening.
I could ask 100 people about my situation and I believe the majority would support what I feel in my heart and mind, yet I know they would all say that it has to be my decision and I know that it truly does; which puts me back to the same exact position I am in today. I have prayed over this, not for a decision to be made for me, but guidance through the process, for the clarity to make an informed decision, not just an emotional one. I pray for God's Will to be done and yes, I suppose, I have asked for a clear sign. If I would take anyone's advice to heart, it would be HIS. HE has been my rock through all of these years HE is the one I turned to for strength and HE's gotten me this far. I just need to remember to turn to HIM completely for this next chapter.
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